:: price of my vice ::

I know right now, I should jolly well get back to revising.
But the weather is inviting me to sleep, the bed is calling and the yellow lamp is really setting a mood for total relaxation (talk about excuses).
Notes chucked one side, I got to reading Her World instead.

And the catch line of an article caught my interest.
'When it comes to vices, will our pasts catch up with us?'

Raking up the past has never been a desirable subject to start with.
How often than not, we wish that the 'bad' period of time we faced could be automatically deleted from our memory.
Don't mention the word forget. It never really existed, so I think.
Everyone has skeletons in their closet.
And many would rather run away from their past, rather than confront or graciously accept that it had been part of us.
My flawed character saw too many imperfections to even deem myself as one of the 'good' girls.
My list of vices?
Let's just say, I've seen night life, put my health in jeopardy to what I name 'a must have experience' for any normal and sane teenagers.
I've put a stop to that all that experience.
The blasting music once played by the DJ had been replaced by the voices of my favorite girls singing to the tune of Tokyo Drift.
The aimless walking around in town area now replaced by catching up sessions with friends.
And a lot of willpower it took to finally let go of bad habit - safe to say I'm much healthier now.

There are other things in life (like befriending the wrong company or getting to know the wrong guys) that I wished had not happen to me.
But seeing it in a new light, the exact same things made me a little bit wiser and more careful of my actions - more careful means considering consequences or asking the what-ifs.
Something the impulsive me had trouble relating to in the past.
Though I'm glad I started the 'experiences' at quite an early stage, its undeniable that at times I wished I could rewrite certain chapters of my life.

I've not turn into a saint (as much as I want to).
In the process of seeking self-betterment, kicking old bad habits as I began to realize, is less than a third of that journey.
For evil may appear in other forms.
Temptation often tests the willpower and at times, the sanity to live the old life especially when the going gets tough.
Some say the leopard never changes its spots.
Though I feel if you see life at its different stages and constant checks on your age may eventually bring you back to the harsh reality of life - you will never get any younger.

As I'm writing my words now, episodes of the past came flashing.
And until today, I've not braved myself to say thank you to the people who had once existed as part of a beautiful/heartbreaking memory.

And the vices?
I think I've paid enough for them.
For it once costs a damaged soul, heart and mind. :)