:: reflecting ::

I am in favor of a particular lecturer.
In his class (albeit its a 3hr session), I will never fall asleep.
In fact, in his class I feel that my general knowledge is really lacking.
Not so much in awe of his profound knowledge, rather his humility and willingness to share with others what he feels we should know.
Though no human is a paragon of perfection, I'd say he is one of the rare academicians that truly inspire.

So today a question was thrown to me.
'Sebab yang membuat anda merasakan kebebasan diri.' (along the lines of that)
Rendered me speechless for a second.
He probed. 'Atau, anda merasakan diri masih dirantai.'
I came up with the answer that kept reappearing in my mind.
'Pengalaman' - Experience.
Further discussions really got us thinking.

Are we really afraid of freedom?
Do we feel safer when we are tied down to something; be it conventions or commitments?

Possibly.

And after a 'reflective' journey home from school, I realized I'm suppressed by my own need to feel free to be human.
A being constantly in process of soul-searching.
A being who dares to be an individual in a society. (not individualistic)
A being who fights for her dreams.
A being who understands that the world does not only revolve around her.
A being who knows her own society well enough to defend it.
Is that too much to ask for?

And as I sat down and think, it dawned on me why from the start I've always been interested to do Malay studies.
It's like finding your own roots.
Recognizing the depth of knowledge my language has to offer.
And after five years majoring Malay, I learn that
-my society's problem is my responsibility
-its unhealthy to judge others who are ignorant; instead share with them what I've been taught
-if you really want people to believe your passion; you must first believe in yourself
-if people look down on you, take it in stride; no one can know everything.

I think lessons beyond textbook are those that make us human.
My process of learning with its ups and downs has shone a new light and broaden my perspectives on many things.

I guess, in every field, if you understand your purpose for seeking that knowledge - you will enjoy the beauty of it. :)

I am enjoying mine.