:: of happiness ::

'Drawing on Csikszentmihalyi's work, Seligman proposes a fundamental distinction between pleasures and gratifications. Pleasures are 'delights that have clear sensory and strong emotional components' such as may be derived from food, sex, backrubs and cool breezes. Gratifications are activities that engaged you fully, draw on your strengths and allows you to lose self-consciousness.

Pleasure feels good in the moment, but sensual memories fade quickly and the person is no wiser or stronger afterwards. Even worse, pleasure beckons people back for more, away from activities that might be better for them in the long run. But gratifications are different. Gratifications ask more of us; they challenge us and make us extend ourselves.

Gratifications often come from accomplishing something, learning something or improving something. When we enter the state of flow, hard work becomes effortless. We want to keep exerting ourselves, honing our skills, using our strengths..' - from 'The Happiness Hypothesis' by John Haidt


Although certain aspects of the book can be argued from an alternative viewpoint, I found John's unique way of blending the east & west school of thoughts as well as bringing ancient wisdom to modern perspective very refreshing.
As much as we'd like to be in a constant state of euphoria, we know that's very much impossible.
Interestingly, this book had never intended to be a self-help - rather it offers various studies conducted by advocates of positive psychology.
Some of the things might be too familiar for our comfort thus I found myself more often than not agreeing on his insight.

Happiness has never meant to be measured although the truth is, how we deem life will define our own meaning of happiness.
And the excerpt on gratification and pleasure was one I felt strongly for. It reaffirms my belief that only through loving yourself can you find love in another. Probably the reason why after I learned the term interest-work-busy, I felt a sense of liberation that in a way frees me from constant worry of trying to be the best for someone else.

We are told to dream big but we often take a step further by expecting.
Truth is, all successful people when asked of their secret to such great achievements will tell you they dream but expectations were reduced to zero and it's the process that meant more to them than the results itself.

Sounds too cliche? You bet.

Oh well, after all. Aren't all humans a walking paradox?

:: Spasi ::

Filosofi Kopi - Dee

'Seindah apa pun huruf terukir, dapatkah ia bermakna apabila tak ada jeda?
Dapatkah ia dimengerti jika tak ada spasi?

Bukankan kita baru bisa bergerak jika ada jarak? Dan saling menyayang bila ada ruang? Kasih sayang akan membawa dua orang semakin berdekatan, tapi ia tak ingin mencekik, jadi ulurlah tali itu.

Napas akan melega dengan sepasang paru-paru yang tak dibagi. Darah mengalir deras dengan jantung yang tidak dipakai dua kali. Jiwa tidaklah dibelah, tapi bersua dengan jiwa lain yang searah. Jadi jangan lumpuhkan aku dengan mengatasnamakan kasih sayang.

Mari berkelana dengan rapat tapi tak dibebat. Janganlah saling membendung, apabila tak ingin tersandung.

Pegang tanganku, tapi jangan terlalu erat, karena aku ingin seiring dan bukan digiring.'

:: reading ::

Today is one of the rare days where I decided to set aside time for a good read.
So while waiting for the man to knock off from work, I headed to coffee bean with my favorite author's book in hand : Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho.

The best thing about personal time is it gives you room to sink into your thoughts, pause your busy life and bask in the beauty of your own world-colored with dreams, good and bad memories as well as lessons learnt along the process of growing up.

'Sometimes, on TV, I see tunnels and bridges being inaugurated. Usually, a lot of celebrities and local politicians stand in a line, in the centre of which is the minister or local governor. Then a ribbon is cut, and when the people in charge of the project return to their desks, they find lots of letters expressing recognition and admiration.

The people who sweated and worked on the project, who wielded pickaxes and spades, who laboured all through the summer heat or endured the winter cold in order to finish the job, are never seen; those who did not work by the sweat of their brow always seem to come off best.

I want to be someone capable of seeing the unseen faces, of seeing those who do not seek fame or glory, who silently fulfil the role life has given them.

I want to be able to do this because the most important things, those that shape our existence, are precisely the ones that never show their faces.'

- Meeting in the Dentsu Gallery in Like the Flowing River by Paulo Coelho

:: a lil somethin ::

From Anne Morrow Lindbergh, b. 1906

When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

:: membilang waktu ::

Bertambahnya usia bukan beerti kita paham segalanya.
Kepesatan waktu, sepintas ia berlalu membungkam diri kerdil.
Membilang masa yang pergi, terlintas tidak akan harga setiap saat.
Menembus rahsia terciptanya waktu, kesendirian menjadi anugerah- menghadirkan pemikiran yang bergerak ke dalam.
Menjadi cermin yang membuat diri berkaca-suka atau tidak pada hasilnya.

Setahun mencipta sejuta pengalaman.

:: Her&Him ::

She had learned the dance steps almost to perfection finally.
She had learned just how to do it for him.
How to stand back.
How to let him be.
How to love him.
How to let him come and go, and appreciate him for all he was.
She was so grateful for all that she had learned from him.

They had learned each other to perfection, loved each other in just the way that worked for them.
What she'd had of him, she took with her.
Just as he had taken the best of her with him.
She knew without question that he would always love her, just as she would always love him. The dance was over, but it would never end.

- 'Lone Eagle', Danielle Steel

:: E.S.O.The Spotless Mind ::

Joel: Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating

From 'The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'.

:: With love ::

'This is the way it starts. You look at someone you have never met before and you recognize them. That's all. You just recognize them. Then it begins.

And by loving me. He sets me free. Free to be myself. '

- One for my baby, Tony Parsons

:: A lil something ::

'Throughout my early life I felt that there was another possibility which, once realised, would transform all and everything. One day that possibility became a reality, and it was simple and ordinary, magnificent and revolutionary. It is the open secret that reveals itself in every part of our lives. But realisation does not emerge through our attempts to change our lives, it comes as a direct rediscovery of who it is that lives."

- 'The Open Secret' by Tony Parsons

:: From Sex & the City ::

My ten favs to remember by :-

1. Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the way you love, well, that's just fabulous.

2. Carrie: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they're supposed to run wild until they find someone -- just as wild -- to run with.

3. Samantha: If checking out other women is the biggest problem you're having with him, you're lucky.Carrie: Well, if it's that small, then he should be able to stop.Samantha: Oh please, you can't change that about a man. It's part of their genetic code. Like farting.

4. Carrie: Maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down and sometimes, like now, they get you so high.

5. Carrie: When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun, then you grow up and learn to be cautious; you could break a bone, or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there is no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?

6. Miranda: Maybe it's time that I stop being so angry.Carrie: Yeah, but what would you do with all your free time?

7. Carrie: Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away.

8.Carrie: I admit it's tempting to wish for the perfect boss, the perfect parent, or the perfect outfit. But maybe the best any of us can do is not quit, play the hand we've been dealt, and accessorize what we've got.

9. Carrie: After all -- people die, computers crash. All we can do is breathe and reboot.

10.Samantha: Normal is the halfway point between what you want and what you can get.