:: LADY OF LEISURE AFTERNOON RAMBLE ::

I don't know about you.
But I have a strange relationship with my mom - it's the kind you know you love her a lot but when she over nags, you feel like taking to your heels or if it really gets to your nerve, you wish you are a magician who can do disappearing acts.

Yes, that's how I will sum up my relationship with mom.
She refused to let me be like her during her younger days which I supposed must be quite a wild one, judging by old pictures & her social activities - she even got to model part time & in dad's words (throughout their ten year courtship before tying the knot) 'I love to bring your mum around because my friends think shes good-looking.' Yerlah father.

But two decades later & having to bring up two teenagers, Mom made a 360 degree change. More conservative & traditional - she wants a pious daughter (which I'm not, frankly speaking).

That aside.

These days I find myself getting closer to her.
Maybe because both of us are getting old (cetz) & on my part, I make it a point to fetch her from work everyday & drive her to the places she wants to go - the usual grocery shopping & my mom is wise enough to drop big hints of me having to do all the domestic chores sooner or later and as she cleverly puts it, it's time I prepare myself if I decide to have my own home.

I think my parents & the man has a conspiracy.
For just the other day, the man casually suggested 'why not set aside part of our earnings into one account.'
See, if you are the type of person who believes in taking each day as it is & you made it quite clear to yourself that you don't wish to plan for big things if you are not financially stable, such a suggestion coming from a beloved feels as if a bomb just dropped inside your brain & you are caught in between two extreme emotions - excitement & fear.

Can I bring myself to leave the comfort of my bedroom & share a new one with another?
Can I give up my personal space & have another planning for me to do 'we' things together?
Can I still read a book before I go to sleep & not disturb the person on the other side of the bed?
Can I sleep & wake up as and when I feel like it?
Can I feed another person & not let someone's son go hungry?
Can I make sure our home is where he feels best at?
Can I pay all my bills on time, now that its our house?
Can I love him enough to make him believe it's me that he wants to come home to everyday?

I'm not overtly concerned how my big day will be like - so long I know my groom will don a three piece Hugo Boss or Armani suit with cool sneakers.
Or the turn out of my 'hantaran' - for I've decided we should try giving vouchers instead, imagine lumping a 500 bucks Nike voucher & 500 Topman and maybe Adidas, that should save the trouble of finding the things you think your beloved likes.

I've been sneakily finding ways to break free from the traditional norms.
But for now, I've run out of excuse to not plan for the future even if it means taking baby steps.

Now that the bomb has landed, I supposed I can still convince the man, 'we'll take whatever that comes - each day as it is.'

I'm that disillusioned sometimes. :)