:: She's good ::
She'd found in life that it was important to take little bits of happiness from wherever they sprang, because so often things that people told you would make you happy didnt.
She was, she decided, happy that day. She was twenty-one and recently her days had either one of two casts: depressed or ridiculously giddy. When she was giddy, she felt like a fifteen-year-old girl again, like it wasn't too late and she could still do anything, like learn to play the electric guitar or swim laps. When she was depressed, she felt old, she felt like she hadn't done anything in her life, she felt that soon she would be completely undesirable and no one would ever look into her direction.
She had put her personal preferences aside for what she had believed would be the greater good. But the greater good for whom? she wondered.
Nobody ever told women what was going to happen to them emotionally when they got into adulthood. First, there was a wonderful sense of peace. You understood that you couldn't control everything, that not everything that happened had something to do with you and there were so many things that you once thought mattered but suddenly realized they didnt. And then came an emotionally sickening thud, when you wondered what was the point of life, what was your point of life. You suddenly wanted meaning, you wanted connection, you wanted love, and you saw that those things had somehow been worn away; you werw an automaton, going through the motions, doing the things you'd always done but werent excited by them anymore, you saw the underlying pointlessnee of it all. There were nights when she went to bed and wished that morning would never come. But it did come, always.
This was one of life's cruel tricks, impossible to solve until it played itself out and revealed its true meaning.
That losing a man is no woman's loss. A greater loss would be if she lost her innerself in pursuit of a deluded happiness.
She knew she was lucky. :)
(p/s : shes going to start documentating her outings. it might come in handy if ever rumour has it she has been going out with different guys)
She'd found in life that it was important to take little bits of happiness from wherever they sprang, because so often things that people told you would make you happy didnt.
She was, she decided, happy that day. She was twenty-one and recently her days had either one of two casts: depressed or ridiculously giddy. When she was giddy, she felt like a fifteen-year-old girl again, like it wasn't too late and she could still do anything, like learn to play the electric guitar or swim laps. When she was depressed, she felt old, she felt like she hadn't done anything in her life, she felt that soon she would be completely undesirable and no one would ever look into her direction.
She had put her personal preferences aside for what she had believed would be the greater good. But the greater good for whom? she wondered.
Nobody ever told women what was going to happen to them emotionally when they got into adulthood. First, there was a wonderful sense of peace. You understood that you couldn't control everything, that not everything that happened had something to do with you and there were so many things that you once thought mattered but suddenly realized they didnt. And then came an emotionally sickening thud, when you wondered what was the point of life, what was your point of life. You suddenly wanted meaning, you wanted connection, you wanted love, and you saw that those things had somehow been worn away; you werw an automaton, going through the motions, doing the things you'd always done but werent excited by them anymore, you saw the underlying pointlessnee of it all. There were nights when she went to bed and wished that morning would never come. But it did come, always.
This was one of life's cruel tricks, impossible to solve until it played itself out and revealed its true meaning.
That losing a man is no woman's loss. A greater loss would be if she lost her innerself in pursuit of a deluded happiness.
She knew she was lucky. :)
(p/s : shes going to start documentating her outings. it might come in handy if ever rumour has it she has been going out with different guys)
posted by ze tinkerwinker at
8:45:00 PM
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